Love, Mom

Mom and Baby TGood afternoon Crystal:
Hope you are doing well and you had a nice dinner with your sisters last night.  Dad arrived home around 10:30 last night and it is great to have him back.  He was very tired and he looks better today.  Can you email us the name of the wind magazine (I couldn’t remember) Dad wants to know?
Well it was just like Christmas when I went home for lunch as Dad surprised me and brought up the sewing machine & table from the car.  I unwrapped it & gooed and gawed over it.  I brought the manual to work to look it over as I am not busy this afternoon.  Would love to pay hooky and play with my new machine instead but I only work here 2 days a week so that is not possible.
How is you work coming along?  Have you gone out lately?
Take care.
Love, Mom
—–
mom and the girls
Letters from moms are a unique treasure: loving, surprising, zany, and often the pinnacle of passive-aggressiveness.  My mom’s emails from her reception desk are something I always look forward to, but she doesn’t have much of a passive-aggressive edge (mom, ya big softie).
That’s why I am in love with Postcards from yo momma.  Created by two friends after exchanging favourite emails from their moms, the blog posts real letters or instant messaging exchanges between moms and their offspring.  The site is so popular the creators (editor of Jezebel.com and the New York Observer respectively) compiled the best into a book that I want.
Here are a few posts that made me laugh out loud:

Mom, Dad and Facebook: A Dangerous Combo

Mom: How do I unfriend on Facebook?
Me:
What, you only have like 8 friends, who do you want to get rid of.
Mom:
That’s really none of your business, and I have 40 friends thank you very much.
Me:
That’s right, Dad has 8 heheh
Mom:
Not for long!

Subject: Doggie Prozac Experiment, Part I

This morning I accidently took Spike’s pill. I feel a little light-headed but that’s about it. I wonder how he feels when he takes it. No wonder he just lays on Jared’s bed all day.

The Main Course

mom: sounds good to me, does he need a birthday dessert??
me: sure, how about a fortune cookie?
mom: i guess only if you are the fortune cookie–hee hee
me: OH MY GOD.
mom: lighten up –jk, jk…………
me: THAT WAS SO GROSS!
mom: why is it so gross, you’re not a little fortune cookie??? you could be a dumpling….or tofu
me: um but not a dessert!
mom: oh you’d rather be the main course??
me: OH MY GOD MOM STOP!

Get me out of here!

Surprise, I am writing you an email.

I NEED HELP AND SOON, BEFORE I STARVE TO DEATH !!!!

I am guessing that you are wondering how come I’m doing this — it’s just because I am locked into my computer room and cannot get out.  I was trying to put a door knob on the door and got started, but the thing went completely closed as I was trying to see if it was going to fit — and now here I am having to stoop so low as to write an email to you to see if you could call someone to come get me out.  My phones, of course, are all in the other room. I thought that perhaps you could call Beverly and have her and Howie come over and get me out.  If you happen to have Tami’s number then call her.

Anyhow, can you get me out of here.  I guess I’ll just play games on the computer until someone lets me out of here.  Send me an email to let me know you are doing this for me.

You Can’t Handle the Meth

Mom: So what are you doing for New Year’s Eve?
Me:
Heading to Cleveland with some friends.
Mom:
Are you going to the Flats?
Me:
No, probably heading to the Warehouse District.
Mom:
Is that in the Flats?
Me:
No, it’s in the Warehouse district.  [lingering inactivity]
Mom:
Is that where they do the meth parties?
Me:
What now?
Mom:
Meth Parties. I heard there are all sorts of meth parties up in Cleveland.
Me:
No, no meth parties.
Mom:
Just promise me you won’t go to any meth parties. You can’t handle meth.
Me:
I promise.

Cleaning Out The Closet

Me: I was sorting through my closet today and I thought it’s kind of funny that I have “vacation clothes” and “date clothes” when I neither date nor vacation.
Mom:
Really???  Do you have “work clothes” and “gym clothes” in there too???  HA HAHHA HA HAHA AHAH A.
Me:
Not funny
Mom:
Sorry, I couldn’t resist )

mom and me in BC